Ultimately, I’d very much like to be a writer and am in the process of writing my long-awaited ouvre. There are several writers who inspire me: Vladimir Nabokov, Sylvia Plath, John Donne, Kazuo Ishiguro…but the most inspirational of all is the one who writes the tag-lines for the Sainsbury’s Basics range.
If I could emulate the works of the nameless wag – the linguistic libertine – who currently writes the Basics taglines, then I would die happy. Here’s a link to the appreciation sight for your enjoyment:
The one for Basics roast chicken has particular resonance for me, describing said product as ‘smaller than most: still worth a roast’ (I may change my ‘about me’ bit on Facebook to that). Then there’s the one for Basics garlic bread that simply says: ‘still takes your breath away’ – I’ve chuckled many a time over that one, and I doubt I'm alone in doing so.
But such tag-lines provoke more than just a smile; I firmly believe that they perform a social function too. For example, a crack-addict single mum living in a high-rise could reach into an otherwise barren cupboard, see one of these tag-lines, and say ‘D’you know what? Life isn’t so bad after all.’
This is what I want to achieve with my writing: changing the world one tag-line at a time. I'd be doing something similar to what Dickens attempted, except I'd do it in a much more succint and humorous way.
So, if you’d like to give me a job as a copywriter (preferably for Sainsbury’s basics, although I will accept offers from more Bourgeois enterprises) then do not hesitate to get in touch. Even better - if anyone knows the Sainsburys Basics copywriter then tell him/her to contact me immediately and let me know how they secured such a prestigious job.
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